Beating The Fear Of A Large Canvas

 Sitting in my basement were two larger canvases
that I have had for over 12 years.
I have painted pillows, totes, eyeglass cases and
cards but for some strange reason, I never had the
courage to tackle anything larger that 10"  X 12".
I know it sounds absolutely crazy but
that fear paralyzed me.

Every year on my list of the things to accomplish
was to paint my ladies on something I could hang on
an actual wall.
 Why now I asked myself all week?

This year has been an incredible sea change for me.
I had a minor health issue that was very painful for 6 months
and after surgery a month ago, I realized how important my 
health was.  To feel fabulous each day is a huge gift 
in my life right now.

And turning another major decade on my birthday this year 
is about as clear a message as one can be open to receive.
With time winding down, I didn't want to waste one
more second on frivolous tasks, people or anything that
did not enhance my life.

Enough of being afraid ...
I marched down to the basement and brought one of the
canvases up to my studio.
That 3' X 2' canvas seemed enormous....
Where to begin...
What to paint...
"Maybe I should take this canvas back down to the basement."
"Just paint something on it...if you don't like it,
throw it out.  That's downsizing," said the person in my head.
Then I decided to paint what I love
and what I know....
There didn't have to be a deep purpose or message
of my painting.
Just paint to have fun and see what appears.

And so I begun...
 After I sketched the two ladies,
I had to go to the art shop to get some proper paint...
fabric paint won't make it on canvas.

Deciding not to spend lots of money on this new endeavor
and feel guilty if it didn't work out,
I found a great package of 48 acrylic paints in the most
beautiful colors....just like those boxes of Crayolas
we all loved as children.

I couldn't wait to see how the colors look
on the sketched ladies.
 I wanted one of the ladies to have flowy hair...
 and I always feel better painting my old friend
Manon who has been with me from the beginning..
I added polka dots to make me happy
and lots of bright colors to make my heart sing.

Once I started, the paint and the fun flowed.
I can't remember when I felt so free and happy and
so proud of myself.

What took me so long???
It doesn't matter if anyone likes it or if it's "real art."
How often have I questioned myself and that
demon "fear" kept me from fully enjoying my life?

I know that having supportive friends in your possé
is so so important.  Most of us are hard enough on ourselves
without having judgemental voices in our ears.
 Re-reading the Artist's Way reinforced
that concept yet again.

Feel the fear and do it anyway....
do it for the fun of it.

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